Or better yet, "I like that you don't do that thing my ex does."
I dated this one guy for a month the summer after I graduated High School. He was everything I thought I wanted in a man. He was super cool, funny, charming, good looking, loved video games, movies and pretty much all the other things I loved. For weeks before we finally started "dating" we had witty conversations about life and love and writing. It was amazing. Then we met and it was even better then just talking. IT was amazing. I started thinking, I'm probably not good enough for him, he's so much older and more mature then I am, he's too good looking for me, he's too smart for me, etc, etc. All relationships probably go through that phase but the real problem for me, the one that drove me away from him slowly and surely was the fact that he constantly compared me to his ex girlfriend and asking me to compare him to my ex. Not in a mean way like, "You're not as pretty as she is." But I think slightly worse, like, " My ex girlfriend used to do that, I'm really glad you don't do that." It plays a trick on my mind because suddenly, I'm thinking, "oh no, I shouldn't do that!" Even if it was something completely mundane like wearing jeans without pockets or the size of a certain body part. If he hadn't done that, I wouldn't have thought my ex boyfriend was anything special but suddenly I was comparing, just like he was! And finding faults with him I normally wouldn't have even cared for.
I'm not saying comparisons are completely bad, they're a good way to count your blessings, a way to make an intelligent decision. But when the comparisons become nitpicking, it can become tiring. It makes it impossible to love or be loved for whom you are. People can get lost in the comparisons.
Have any of you ever been compared to an ex or done the comparing?
Comments (5)
I do not recall doing the comparing with any of my ex's. There was only one woman that did compare me with several of her ex's. So yes, I can understand how that can be annoying. I can't understand why it needs to be verbalized. (Keep it as an internal dialog. It might be better for the relatioinship.)
@uwrote - Well, yes and no. Keep the comparitave talk on the inside but if it's a serious issue, ie, physical abuse, and you feel the need to talk about it, then talk about it.
@itiscomplicated - You know... it's great getting all these confirmations and advice from everyone on Datingish. I just need to find someone to practice on!
@uwrote - Be patient! Love is coming, it takes longer for some people. =) But is worth more in the end.
One word: Jolene.
You know what I'm talking about. :)