I met a friend of Steven's awhile back who had gone to college with him. We were discussing how Steve was as a roommate and all the crazy things he got into as a college kid. And the girls he dated or didn't date. Which brought up a certain friend of his, let's call her Liz. Liz and Steve grew up together and were both in the same culinary program in High School and then went to the same college as each other. Steve has told me plenty about Liz, like the fact that his mother adored her and wanted him to date her and take her to prom and what not. But he was just never interested in her. At any rate, in college, Steve's friend, let's call him Jon, said that Liz would come down to their dorm room and literally just stare at Steve. Hopelessly in love with Steven and with no hope that he would return the look. He asked if I was concerned about her. (She's recently engaged to another guy and they're getting married next May) A part of me was, sorta of concerned. After all, this was the girl that his mother, as much as she liked me, had wanted him to be with. This girl had known him his whole life, knew his quirks and habits. They had done almost everything together, trips and competitions and they had confided in each other their thoughts and dreams. What if one day he woke up and wanted to be with her and not me? I've never met her, but when I voiced that little note of insecurity to Steven, he just laughed and said, "She's not my type." So simple, that should have reassured me but it didn't, not really. Finally, after weeks of doubt and sleepless nights thinking about this girl and how she was pretty and smart and came from a prominent family. I let it go. I didn't realized how simple it was but the minute I learned she was getting engaged and married and then we received her wedding invitation, I knew that even if she never stopped loving him. He was in love with me and I hadn't anything to fear.
I know a lot of people who had this situation happen to them and probed into it and nagged and begged and got upset with their SO. I think that tend to drive the other person away. It comes back to comparisons except worse because now they were the ones making comparisons. Loud statements like, "Do you think she's prettier then me, smarter, richer." Etc. And then the other person starts thinking that maybe, yes they are all those things. I don't know, I'm getting of track.
Any of you ever have that happen. Your significant other had a best friend whom they undoubtly shared almost everything with and some how that made you nervous.
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Luckily for me, my boyfriend's best friend is me. And the next in line is a guy named Jimmy who is very effeminate and may also be referred to as a (I know it's rude and harsh but it's the truth) pussy. He's a crybaby. And no, he's not gay.
Awkward/weird.
I had one of those guys once... all of his friends were female - always drove me crazy that they were so flirtatious with each other, but he always assured me that I was the only one. ...After a while, I finally realized what an idiot I was being and let it go.
He and I aren't together anymore, but... I have a little more confidence in my holding ability, especially as of late. - You should feel the same. :)
Hm. I'm on the opposite side. I'm actually best friends with a female. She's currently married and I've known her since before she was married. (Both our families thought at some point we were going to get married because we do all those couple-like cutesy talk [pet names, inside-jokes, etc.] in front of the public.)
No, I would not 'lure' her away from her husband. I love her but not in love with her that way. I like her husband because he is good to her and loves her.
Is he afraid that her love for me is stronger than their love? Yes.
He expresses this all the time to her and even on occasion in front of me. I usually brush off the comment or ask (in a joking manner) why is she married to him. (Realistically, I cannot say I don't love her only that I don't want to marry her or be in that type of relationship with her -- it leads down a bad line of questions and answers where I will offend someone!)
I don't know how I would feel if it is the other way around. I say and think I am open minded enough especially with my current relationship with my best friend. But I am also human and have my own insecurities.
I was that other friend before and it caused my friend a lot of problems in her relationships. Now she's really serious with a guy and I told her we couldn't be friends because it'll only cause problems in the future.
I feel like I am that other friend. I told him only mainly positive things about her though. I think she isn't insecure. Probably because that is her first boyfriend and she dosen't realize some things can rock the boat on their relationship? But it's hard on her because maybe most of his friends are girls? Some of his college friends that I know are very beautiful and could have been models. Maybe they were attracted to him during some brief periods, but they were never in a dating relationship with him. I think he has insecurities about his manhood, that's why he makes friends with girls easily. It was weird meeting the girlfriend. I think some men don't have firm boundaries between dating relationships and friendships. They should, though. It can be confusing to all of us. I think sometimes he can be borderline flirtatious or just really, really, super duper nice and everybody around us gets confused and thinks that we are dating?
I want to preserve the friendship because we've known each other for 10 years or so. But I don't want to cause him trouble. I try not to call him too much since that caused problems with his last girlfriend inadvertently. I send him a lot of emails. If he was to marry anybody (else) I would probably feel like I would have to drop him entirely just so his wife wouldn't feel insecure. I wouldn't want to. I just try to help him as well as I know how.
Bottom line, if he said nothing is there then you should just accept it. You can only be in a relationship if you trust the other person. Especially now that she is engaged you should have nothing to worry about.
My SOs former "boo" is married now and with kids but she was cheating on her husband with him. Now they're like best friends and sometimes I get a bit iffy on what goes around could come around but I understand your feelings. I don't care to hear about his ex's because it'll just start something like that. The whole thought of what ifs. Like I don't got enough of those on my mind. But if he's committed to you and only you and you notice that him and her can hang around each other without some type of really obvious awkwardness I say just relax. You have him all to yourself so enjoy that as much as possible.Â